Every couple has their issues, and it’s normal to fight sometimes. But, if your marriage has suddenly turned into a regular fighting and shouting match, it’s completely understandable that you might wonder if you’re headed for divorce.
While every couple is different, and relationship dynamics are complex, there are a number patterns relationship therapists have found that tend to indicate your marriage maybe headed for a divorce.
Here are some signs you should be wary of.
You Are Always Angry
It is totally normal to have those moments where you and your partner are mad at each other and don’t want to talk for a few hours. It however becomes a sort of concern when there is that big, consistent, and dysfunctional change in the way you both communicate.
For instance, if the two of you have never been yellers in the past, but now can’t disagree without screaming your lungs out, it’s a problem. That’s because if you’re not able to communicate well, and this can make reconciliation much harder.
Increase In Number Of Conflicts
Big and noticeable increases in frequency and intensity of conflict that just can’t seem to stop are can be strong indicators that a marriage may be headed toward divorce.
While the both of you might need to cool off in separate rooms after an argument, actually having a genuine disconnect, such as an inability to tell each other the big life plans you are making is a bad sign. Among other things, it shows you both already have one foot out the door.
You Can’t Stop Blaming Each Other
It’s easy to think everything is your partner’s fault, but it takes two people to have a conflict.
If you observe a defensive pattern
where you can’t stop projecting your issues on to your partner or the inability to take some responsibility for problems you face, you are a step closer to getting a divorce.
They may be indicators that you’ve lost the ability to reason with each other, which makes overcoming conflicts that much harder.
While battling it out isn’t good, indifference or no longer caring about things that you used to care about—sn’t a good sign either. This is especially true if it’s around long-standing arguments that never had a resolution.
Indifference can be a sign of a level of emotional disengagement that can push a marriage toward an irreparable state.
If you notice any of these signs happening in your marriage, it’s important to see a marriage therapist as soon as possible. A skilled therapist who is able to honestly cut to the core of the issues, and address communication and other underlying issues can help you recover.
They can help you sift through the wreckage and make an estimation of whether you and your partner are willing to work on the marriage.
There are however no guarantees. As long as one person wants out, it can be hard to save the marriage. Marriage is important and valuable but not all relationships were meant to be saved.
Also, note that just because you and your partner have been fighting doesn’t mean you’re headed for divorce. It’s quite normal for marriages to have ups and downs, and some of these can be rather intense.
However, if you don’t notice these signs in your relationship but you feel like your marriage is not in a great place, it never hurts to get help from a therapist.